Preface: Please forgive my two weeks of silence. Between the Thanksgiving holiday and a bit too much on my plate, two Thoughtful Thursdays slipped away without me sharing. It is my hope to be back on track now. Thanks for understanding.
Now that I’ve gotten that out the way, let me be honest with you. I have so many things that I want to share, even a few new blog drafts that have been started with incomplete thoughts, but today I struggled finding the right thing to share. What you read today may be a collection of jumbled thoughts. There may not be in clever colloquialisms, and I may not eloquently command the English language. What I will do is give you what I have exactly as I have it.
After about two years of using an android, I got a new iPhone in August. Before I start throwing up signs to rep my set for team iPhone, I’ll admit that I used to switch back and forth between the two types of phones every couple of years. Yes, there were some things about my android that I enjoyed; however, I am older and wiser now, and I doubt that I will go back. ANYWAY…I digress.
When logging my Apple ID into my new iPhone some months ago, I discovered that old pictures and notes synced back to my phone. Over the last few days, I have been cleaning out my phone, deleting anything that I don’t need so readily accessible especially if it is stored in a cloud somewhere. While scrolling through an old notes this morning, I ran across one that I wrote on February 4, 2014 at 1:32 AM. I’d like to share these broken thoughts with you:
God’s timing is perfect. He makes no mistakes. God has worked every detail to the point of completion. Yes, He is alpha, but remember He is also the omega. He has already seen how this ends. I just have to be patient. I just have to wait. God has equipped me to endure. He is sustaining and keeping me. And even when I want to give up and quit, He won’t let me. God won’t let me abandon his will for my life. So I have to trust God, his plan, and his timing. I have to be secure in knowing that God has already figured things out for me. Yes, he is in control, and just because he allows me to go through doesn’t mean he has taken his hand, eye, or attention off of my life.
Manifestation is coming. God’s will for my life WILL come to pass. There will be a demonstration of God’s favor on my life; I just have to be patient. I just have to wait.
God never fails. He never has to correct himself. What he speaks has to happen. His words can’t come back to him undone. God speaks and confirms only with himself. Our responsibility is to agree with, accept, and have faith in his words.
God has not forgotten about me. He sees me. He hears every cry. He is catching every tear. I am not cursed. I am not being punished. I am not alone. God is with me. But I must recognize that his timing is different from mine. God already has a scheduled date of manifestation for me. I do not know it, but the omniscient God knows. I just have to be patient. I just have to wait. I must consider each obstacle as a building block. God is laying foundation for what he is going to build in my life, so I cannot curse this or any past seasons. I must live through and conquer each season. Every one of them has a purpose for this time. God is laying a strong foundation in my life. I must not fight against what is being allowed; it only cracks my foundation. I HAVE TO go through this.
I cannot for the life of me remember what I was going through in the season of my life that compelled me to write this at 1:30 in the morning. I have wracked my brain to no avail and have simply accepted that I needed that affirmation then just as I must need it now.
Here is my truth: I’m living my best life! No for real, I am living the best version of life that I have lived thus far. If the truth is told, I’ve had seasons where I had less debt and more money, my credit scores have definitely been better than they are right now, I’ve had more friends than I currently have left, and Lord do I remember being skinnier than this! All things considered, those things pale in comparison to the peace of mind and intentional joy that I have experienced over the last four months. I’m drinking more water, I am less than two months away from graduating – finally finishing something, I’m receiving a monthly royalty check for my single that I released, and I have laughed more in last two months than I have in the last two years. Life is good, right?
Life is good because I have learned how to not be consumed with the bad.
My journey to this peace was tumultuous, and sometimes I still have to deal with the aftermath of the trauma. Truthfully, some days are still filled with trauma! So I found myself recently having a conversation with God that went a little something like this:
Me: God, thank you for every single thing. A lot has changed but I’m really grateful that some things are different. I just still feel like something is missing. Why can’t EVERYTHING be alright RIGHT NOW?
Me: I mean my season shifted, right? I’m done with that big transition…I can tell, but I feel so burnt out. When will I get a break from people and things that drain me?
Me: I’m 30, and I’m still grinding this out by myself. I’m grateful that you’ve made me independent enough to do what I have to do, but when can I not have to do it alone or at least have a load that isn’t as heavy?
Me: God, I am running out of ways to juggle bills, stretch dollars, and cover this life by myself. Can I please get a break or some direction about my job or something?
Me: GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? SAY SOMETHING!
…a few days later I ran across the aforementioned note in my phone.
I don’t believe it is coincidence that I ran across this iPhone note almost five years after it was written. With all of the things on my plate, good, bad, and overwhelming alike, God has everything under control. His timing is perfect, and he is still gonna make good on his word. There are so many transitions that I have found myself in within the last six months that I so desperately want to be out of. Honestly, I’m sick of some portions of this journey, but I don’t have a choice but to endure. No literally, there is no way out of this mess but through. UGH! This old message from me was like a pat on the back that said, “You’ll be alright, Chris. Keep pushing.”
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I’m glad I warned you that this may not be eloquent today because I was correct. I guess my two weeks off have affected me. I’ll do better next time.
In its simplest form, this was a gentle reminder for me. God hasn’t forgotten about me. God is still working on my behalf. “God has not taken his hand, eye, or attention off of my life.” All of this is merely a foundation for what he is going to building my life. There will be manifestation.
“…and there will be a performance.”
I hope this helps.
I promise this song will fit perfectly with what I said.