I’m feeling silly today…

| Nah. |

You ever look back a phase of your life and say to yourself, “Whew!  I’m glad I’m over that?”  I have had my fair share of What in the Blue Hell Was I thinking moments.

I have made some of the worst mistakes in my almost 31 years.  But what tops that is the fact that I have made some of the DUMBEST choices in my almost 31 years.  Y’all, I could be inducted into the Idiots Hall of Fame for some of my choices that made absolutely NO sense whatsoever!  (I was clapping my hands between each syllable of whatsoever.)  Like most people, I was completely clueless of the magnitude of stupidity that I was engrossed in because I was in an oblivion…  I mean I was just lost – gone in LaLa Land floating on cotton candy clouds and doodling in my Lisa Frank spiral notebook.  *shaking my head*  I was too intelligent to be so durn dumb.

So here it is, I was chitting and chatting with a home girl of mine about life, kids, relationships, and growing older (since we both had approaching birthdays), and I said the following statement that changed the trajectory of our conversation:

“Growing older and not running behind people who ain’t shiiiiiiiiiii have been the best things that have happened to me.”

For the extra saved folk, don’t worry – I only typed “shiiiiiiiiiii” and not the real word.  Oh, and another word replaced “people,” but I’ll keep that between me and my home girl.  And yet, I’m still saved.

I went on to say,

” I didn’t realize how much time, energy, sleep, joy, peace, and the rest of my spiritual fruit cocktail I was wasting clinging to the words of people (not just guys) who had no intention of being integral.  I was pouring into colanders!”

For those who don’t know that a colander is, it is basically a bowl with holes meant for draining.  …I’ll let that last part sink in.

Ladies and gentlemen, today’s blog is all about being committed to something or someone who isn’t committed to you which results in you looking DUMB in the end.  This is not limited to romantic relationships with scrubs.

As defined by the singing group, TLC:

scrub – /skrəb/ – noun:
  1. A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly
  2. Also known as a buster
  3. Always talking bout what he wants
  4. Just sits on his broke *expletive*

In my humble opinion, a woman can be a scrub as well.

I once had this “thing” with this dude that lasted about seven months.  Initially, I didn’t want any thing serious with him.  I’ll be transparent enough to admit that I just wanted a buddy of the cuddy persuasion and nothing more.  That didn’t work out.  In time, our friendtuationship morphed into a situationship although I began to develop an unrealistic desire for a real relationship.  (I hope I didn’t lose you.)  In layman’s terms, I didn’t want anything from him, he promised me a bunch of junk that I probably wanted on a subconscious level, then he failed to deliver.  The unadulterated truth is he didn’t deliver because he never intended to, AND I knew he had no intentions of it.  In reality, and mean this in the most humble way possible, he was bit beneath me.  I don’t mean that in any pompous way because I’m just a nobody trying to tell anybody about somebody who changed my life.  What I am saying is he reaped as many benefits as possible by being attached to me, he accepted the rewards that came with being connected to The Rousons, and he found a way to use all of my gifts to his advantage.  He didn’t match my hustle and he was a SCRUB – refer to the aforementioned definition.  Y’all, I was going to bat for that boy, bickering with other women over him, defending him when he was wrong as two left shoes, and sprinkling glitter all over his life to make him seem so much more grandiose than he really was. When all was said and done, I couldn’t believe that I had gotten myself entangled in Charlotte’s web.  So the relevant question is, “Why in the blue hell did you stay so long, Chris?”  I stayed because I felt something was better than nothing even if that something sucked.  (Lord, I need to revisit that in another blog.)

I would like to submit my five reasons why I believe we put up with iishhhh, far longer than we really should:

1. We don’t think it can get any better than what we have. 

– This isn’t to say that we think we have the best.  This may simply suggest that we think we don’t deserve any better.  Being vulnerable and lonely can be contributing factors.  (That’s another blog for another day as well.)

2. We have become dependent on dysfunction.

– Believe it or not, some people are so acquainted with dysfunction that they cannot fathom or cope with anything besides chaos.  The dangerous part about an individual like that is he/she will either attract or create dysfunction to maintain a level of normalcy.

3. We commit to someone’s potential instead of his/her’s reality.

– I am guilty of this.  Instead of believing what we see, we choose to ascribe to what we are told.  Well, I don’t care how much a scrub says he’s going to be a millionaire.  If he “just sits on his broke ***,” then he is and will remain a scrub.  Periodt. 

4. We don’t trust that life will go on without __________ (fill in the blank).

– *rolls eyes*  When you get something that you’ve never had or always wanted, it’s easy to believe that you can’t live without it.  I’ve come to tell you, “Nah!”  Life has this tricky way of going on.  The clock keeps ticking, the world keeps rotating and revolving, and new normals are birthed.  There are literally only two options: find a way to embrace that and have the courage to move forward OR stay stuck.

And let me just add that I’ve found a way to live after some of my greatest losses – like my mother passing away.  Child, if I can live without my mama, you can live without your buster friends!

5. We have Superhero Syndrome.

– Hello.  My name is Christen, and I have Superhero Syndrome.

When one has Superhero Syndrome, he/she thrives on trying to solve problems and fix broken things, even when it is not his problem to fix.  The source of our pride lies within  how well we can save the day even if it is to our detriment.  The dangerous part about that is we can remain attached to something or someone who cannot or will not get any better but will continue to utilize our super powers to his/her advantage.

Alright…  At some point in the last year and some change, I woke the heck up!  I took an assessment of what I was investing my time, energy, sleep, joy, peace, and the rest of my spiritual fruit cocktail into, and I discovered that I was yet pouring into colanders!  I was running down behind people who ain’t shiiiiiiiiiii, and I was over it!  I accepted that I was entirely TOO OLD for that foolishness, and it had to stop.  Baby, I put an end to that!!!  I began the process of undoing somethings that were done, reclaiming my time, forgetting those things that were behind me, reaching for what was ahead, pressing toward the mark of the prize, removing my belief in empty promises, getting an extinguisher for the smoke screens, and walking the he..ck away!  I stopped making calls and even began ignoring a few.  I was done, and once I’m done, I’m done and done!!!  Tuh! 

When referencing this process with my home girl, I said, 

“I’m done with that phase of my life.  If I gotta seem standoffish, I’ll be that.  If I gotta seem selfish, I’ll be that.  I just refuse to keep choosing the same [kind of] people over and over and allowing them to manipulate me with a smile.  Tuh!”



“Nah.”  That is my response when asked if I’ll ever choose some of the people and things that I once chose.  That is my response when asked if I’ll stay in foolishness any longer than I already have.  That is my response when asked if I’ll ever be that chick again.  That is even my response when people come into my life pretending to be a well but they are really a drain or a best a colander.

At some point, you have to let the nah that you feel rising up in your spirit radiate through your life.  Don’t suppress that thing!!!  It isn’t enough to only grow older.  Baby, you gone have to cut off some things that are running the okie doke on you.  You’re getting too old to keep getting played, child.  At this point if you are aware of the no-gooders in your life and you continue to get hoodwinked, bamboozled, or run amuck, it’s your fault!  Do what you have to do to not end up looking like Boo Boo the Fool in the end when you have poured all of you into a situation that has a durn drain at the bottom.  It may make you look like you are changing up on people, and that’s fine!

Since I have decided that I was going to enjoy my metamorphosis as I journey through my 30s, I have been quite alright with ending stuff.  Just because I made a dumb decision at one point doesn’t mean I have to be married to it.  I have found a level of contentment in knowing that I am no longer living in LaLa Land floating on cotton candy clouds doodling in my Lisa Frank notebook while making one of the dumbest decisions of my life.  I sleep well at night knowing I’m neither running down behind nor pouring into SCRUBS!  I have discovered the value of not only my time, but my energy, sleep, joy, peace, and the rest of my spiritual fruit cocktail.  I’m sure I’ll make other mistakes, but reliving that phase of my life?  Nah!

I hope this helps.

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